


In A Galaxy Far Away

by truelyesoteric



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Space, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 20:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truelyesoteric/pseuds/truelyesoteric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen hates Telepaths</p>
            </blockquote>





	In A Galaxy Far Away

**Author's Note:**

> this is a repost from LJ
> 
> STORY OF THIS STORY: I wrote this years ago in like three hours. All plot holes are because it is ridiculous crack. I read this story from time to time and it still makes me laugh, I hope it will make you laugh too.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't think that I could name a Jonas brother song if my life depended upon it. I also can't tell them apart because I have never tried. Nobody is meant to relate to anyone in real life. Yes, Chad is not telepathic - to my knowledge.

Jensen hated the damned Telepaths. 

He didn’t know what they were at first, but he hated them before he knew what they were.

He had been born on a planet on the outer regions of the Empire. Nothing much happened on the planet. They farmed metals for the Central Cities, but besides a transport every third month there was no break to the monotony. When something did happen it was the talk of the planet. 

Something happened. Three somethings.

Oh the odes and dancing. People would never stop speaking about how blessed they all were.

Jensen thought that blessing was a gross overstatement.

His immense hatred started years earlier. The whole story started long before the odes and dancing and the break from Jensen’s orderly life.

Jensen was the son of a farmer and occasional mechanic; from the time that he was born he knew that was what he would be. He was fine with his lot in life and never thought to challenge it.

When he was eight he met the triplets.

Oh dear sweet everything, the triplets.

The triplets Nick, Joe, Kevin, good lord Jensen had never taken time to tell them apart, even though they were a constant presence in his life. Just looking at them made his head want to explode. They annoyed the hell out of him. They were happy and always singing. They were curious about everything. Jensen didn’t know they were Telepaths early on, but he knew that they knew everything everyone else knew.

However, they didn’t seem to have much of a clue that they knew things they shouldn’t. They didn’t know that everybody else didn’t know. They didn’t understand a single thing they knew. They had no clue what polite behavior was. So they asked Jensen all the questions that they had.

They hung around Jensen, which was a bit of an understatement. They were Telepaths with the common sense of a fruit fly and Jensen was the light that they flocked to.

Jensen didn’t know it at the time, but most people found the Jonas boys more annoying than anything and they could hear everybody’s irritation at them. They heard nothing from Jensen so he was the only person that they liked to be around.

It did not make Jensen any kind of happy.

“Jensen,” they (well one of them, who ever knew which) would ask. “Why is the sky blue?”

“Why not orange, like the sun,” another one asked.

“Or full of rainbows?” the final one would chime in.

“Go ask your father,” Jensen tried for a whole bunch of years.

They never did.

“Jensen,” another one would ask. “Why did Miley Cyrus stick her tongue in my throat?”

“Her thoughts were dirty,” another one agreed.

“It made me feel funny,” the final one added nothing to this situation.

For Telepaths they were seriously socially idiotic. 

Later when Jensen realized what they were he felt even more idiotic that he didn’t figure it out. It was glaringly obvious, even though nothing had ever happened on their planet. 

But for most of his young life, Jensen knew everything about everyone because the unholy duo knew everything about everything. He was almost cursed with knowing sordid details and having the wit to understand. 

Everybody asked why Jensen was such an introvert, but really there was nothing else for him to be.

When Jensen finally thought he got adept at ignoring his three shadows, Chad showed up.

The first thing upon meeting Jensen, he just stared. Jensen was a very good-looking guy and he got many stares.

But never like Chad.

Chad stared for three weeks. Jensen was completely unnerved.

He knew that he liked guys, but he was really ready to renounce that if it meant that Chad would never look at him again. He wanted to like guys. Chad was not a guy, Chad was Chad.

Jensen was ready to think that Chad had brain damage, serious serious brain damage.

“Dude,” Chad said, finally after three agonizing weeks of staring. “Why can’t I hear you?”

Jensen just looked at him.

That kind of solidified the whole brain damage thing.

It was a year later when the situation started to sort itself out.

The Jonas brothers and Chad, the unholy obnoxious agonizers who seemed unable to leave Jensen alone, were declared Telepaths. 

The news spread rapidly on their backwater planet where nobody had anything else to do but gossip. However the news did not spread quickly to the Central Cities. For the year it took someone to come pick up the Telepaths and take them to the academy they were revered as gods. People who had crossed the street rather than talk to the Jonas twits now brought them tributes.

There was no greater cross to bear than dealing with the four Telepaths who seemed to curse his life. Then the ship came. Jensen sighed a whole long relief. They would be leaving. 

“So if I’m a Telepath,” Chad said. “Why can’t I hear you?”

Jensen didn’t know and he didn’t care, he just wanted them to be gone so he could go back to his life. He thought that perhaps some kind of force of the universe liked him. He was getting rid of them and even though his life of drudgery wasn’t anything to look forward to, it was rid of his four shadows.

For one utterly endless, but final, summer Jensen had to contend with super worshipped Telepathic Jonas boys and Chad.

Jensen had never hated his life more. The fact that it was the hottest summer on record didn’t help matters any. It was too hot to do much but lay under the shade tree with the four Telepaths.

It was agonizing.

“So what was that thing that Old Nanny Berg was doing in her thoughts?” one of the Jonas brothers asked.

“Fucking,” Jensen said with a sigh, he didn’t know it for sure, but he knew Old Nanny Berg.

Chad looked at him suspiciously. “Are you sure that you aren’t telepathic?”

“Are you sure that you weren’t dropped on your head as a child,” Jensen retorted. He had taken to looking like he was thinking about something deep. It pissed Chad off to no end, the brothers didn’t notice.

One of the others, NickJoeKevin, was thoughtful. “She was grunting a lot and moving in a repetitive way.”

“It made me feel funny,” the remaining one said quietly.

Jensen prayed for a fast ship to come and take them away.

The ship was not fast. The ship did come to take them away. 

Unfortunately Chad opened his big mouth and Jensen was stuck on that ship.

All Chad had to say was, “That god I don’t have to not not hear you any more.”

The soldier looked at Chad. “You can’t hear him?”

Chad sighed. “He’s probably to boring to hear.”

The soldier perked up and looked at Jensen and said, ”Son, you have to come with me.”

Jensen thought that they were kidding until they started pulling him to the deep space ship.

“I’m being abducted,” Jensen yelled, terrified that he would be stuck in that tin can with the four telepaths. “Rape!”

Chad just looked at the soldier suspiciously. “That might be something he would like.”

Jensen blanched.

NickJoeKevin also looked ill. “Seriously that is gross.”

“His lips wouldn’t stretch like that,” one of the other ones said with utmost authority, that Jensen had no idea how he would remotely know.

The other one was silent before whispering. “That makes me feel funny.”

Jensen looked at the large assembled crowd. They looked overjoyed to be sacrificing yet another on of their own.

Jensen hated his traitorous people. He happily wished them all dead as he was dragged aboard a spaceship. He had never been on one. He had never wanted to be on one. His life sucked.

He was ready to give into a permanent wallow and contemplate ending it all, but then someone offered another life plan.

The soldier leered at him. “You can’t outrun destiny.”

Jensen thought about that for a moment and then took that as a challenge.

“Watch me.”

The effects were not immediate, but that was Jensen’s new life motto.

Unfortunately, on the ship Jensen couldn’t run very far. It was a long-term plan to avoid falling into an abyss of hopelessness. 

For the time being, Jensen found himself on the ship with the three telepaths, the potential rapist, and two other soldiers.

He was pretty sure that he was paying for some kind of major sin. His father always said his liking boys would damn him. He was pretty sure that this was it.

Then he found out why he was on this ship.

The Telepaths were the fighting force of the Empire. The Guard protected the Telepaths. The Guard was made up by the select few who could not be heard by the Telepaths. Each Telepath Bonded with a Guard who would be their partner and they would share thoughts. Without a Bond a Telepath would go insane.

“You have to spend the rest of your life bonded to one of us,” KevinJoeNick said.

There was a glee that made Jensen shudder for days.

One of the other ones crinkled his nose. “But he’s a dude.”

“Pick me,” the final one said.

“Guys are rare as Guards,” the rapist crewmember said. “They’re usually a bunch of creepy scary women.”

“They better have huge knockers, if I’m going to spend forever with them,” Chad said.

The Soldier looked lasciviously at Jensen. “Yeah whatever. I can’t touch a Guard. They’ve all got their yins to their yangs.”

“Or yang to his yang,” Chad said.

The rapist soldier looked lasciviously at Jensen, seemingly rethinking molesting one of the Telepaths’ potential Guards.

Jensen choked. He was far out of his element. Give him machinery give him a gun, give him a fucking wooden board and he would know what to do with it, and have a pretty good idea how to kill this fucker with it. 

However everything here was bolted down and strange.

Chad looked at Jensen’s face and then he turned to the crewmember.

“You touch him and I will go into your head and do really really horrible things,” Chad informed him.

Chad was not intimidating.

“I’ll mash your face in with string,” JoeNickKevin agreed, looking like very non-intimidating fluff ball.

“I’ll kill you so dead you’ll never live again,” another one said.

“If he’s going to do that nasty stuff he’s going to do it to all of us,” the last one piped in.

Jensen closed his eyes and prayed to whatever was out there that he didn’t listen to that he was sorry and that he’d like girls. They were pretty.

The rest of the month long trip was not fun. Jensen was constantly shadowed by the Jonas boys who were more annoying than ever. They carried around spoons and tried to protect Jensen’s virtue.

Chad was doubly annoying. He’d listen to the soldier’s thoughts and tilt his head.

“He’s right,” Chad would say to no one in particular and then turn to Jensen. “You do have cock sucking lips.”

After a month Chad seemed less like his was kidding and more like he was starting to get into the idea of fucking Jensen.

One of the brothers started thwacking Chad with spoons.

Jensen wasn’t telepathic, but he was beginning to think that Chad liked it.

It was confirmed by the not so gallant duo.

“All anyone ever thinks about is sex,” KevinJoeNick muttered.

“It’s kind of gross,” the other one agreed.

“And awesome,” the final one added.

After a month in a tin can he had finely tuned his skills of awareness and watching his ass, mostly literally.

He also had an abiding hatred for Empire personal and an agonizing hatred for Telepaths.

As soon as they landed he tested the theory about running away fro destiny. 

He tried at least.

Jensen slipped away from the spaceport and towards, well anything that wasn’t Telepathic.

He was slinking around a city that was more immense that anything he had ever thought of, sticking out like a sore thumb, when he caught someone staring at him. Well everybody was staring at him, but this guy was just calmly staring at him, munching on an apple. 

It was all the ways that he was looking at him that made Jensen stop and stare back. 

The guy wasn’t trying to figure him out like Chad, or exalting him to god status like the Jonas boys, or wanting to get his dick involved like the rapist solider.

This guy was just looking at him. He had hazel eyes and shaggy hair. He was tall and the way his hands held an apple made Jensen really glad that this guy couldn’t read minds, because he had never had thoughts quite this dirty.

Jensen was a little unnerved.

Actually he was gob smacked.

“You’re real pretty,” Jensen said and really wanted to kick himself in the ass. 

The guy grinned and Jensen was pretty much ready to worship him the rest of his life.

“You are too,” the guy replied. “Fresh off the boat of the outer planets?”

Jensen looked down ashamed, because he knew that he had to look like a bedraggled bumpkin. “Kinda. I’m trying to run away.”

“How is that going?” the guy said cocking his head.

“It is awesome,” Jensen said honestly. “If this is what happens when I run away then I’m going to run away forever.”

The guy just grinned and threw him an apple.

“Soldiers are coming,” the guy said nodding behind Jensen.

Jensen did a double take and when he looked back the guy was gone.

The soldiers took Jensen to the Guard Academy. They separated the Telepath and the Guards, they trained them and upon graduation they paired them off.

Jensen was getting the feeling that the ‘they’ were a bit of control freaks. So despite the fact that he liked Sophia, Sandy, Danneel, and Kristen (they hadn’t had a male Guard in seventy-two years, they didn’t have male quarters so he was stuck in a room with the girls. It was pillow fights and talking about guys asses between the classes where they learned to kill people fifteen different ways with their pinkies alone), he tried to run away on a weekly basis.

He did not want to be shackled to some Telepath for the rest of his life. He would wake up with cold sweats thinking about being paired off to a Jonas or, god fucking forbid, Chad.

He’d escape to the town and typically he would run into that guy over and over. The guy would be surprised, but not surprised. They bonded in the way that strangers who constantly ran into each other and shared their life stories in brief intervals before the soldiers showed up would be able to.

“I think Kristin might be evil,” Jensen sighed, running over to his park bench.

“What did the little blonde she devil do this time?” the guy asked (Jensen had never asked his name, there was never enough time. He wanted to get right to it. Jensen knew that he was madly in love with this guy; he wanted as much time as he could before the soldiers came. Name asking seemed like it would take up the few valuable seconds that he had.)

Jensen rubbed his shoulder. “She wanted to help me run away this time. She tied the sheets together so I could climb out the window. Then she heard someone coming and dropped me and the sheets. Now we’re not going to have clean sheets tonight and the girls are never going to let me hear the end of it.”

“You lead a very hard life man,” the guy responded.

“What about you?” Jensen asked. “How is your new friend and his brothers? Did they get you in trouble again?”

The guy grinned and started telling a story as quickly as he could (which for this guy was never very quick. He usually only got halfway through before he was carted away.)

Much like this time.

When the soldiers were carrying him away, Jensen was thinking that he hated his life a little less.

The guy made him laugh, despite the fact that he usually was about two seconds from being recaptured.

Next week when Jensen escaped, just walked out the doors, it seemed like the soldiers weren’t even trying anymore. He knew that he would find the guy. He didn’t know how or why, but he always did.

“I hate that I’m always running,” Jensen said, finding the guy in a dark alleyway. “If we had time I’d small talk you and find out if you’re interested. It would be all really great.”

The guy looked behind Jensen. “I’m sure it would. You seem like a great guy, but I’m looking for stability in my life. Long term and such.”

Jensen looked at the guy as the soldiers grabbed him. “If the soldiers have any say I’m mostly taken. I’m supposed to get eternally mind melded to some telepathic douche bag. I’m not looking forward to it.”

Then the soldiers showed up.

The guy watched Jensen being dragged away. “That really is too bad.”

Strangely the guy was grinning, those dimples were in full effect. It made Jensen’s heart flutter.

So went Jensen’s life. More training, then at night, when he wasn’t running away, he would lay in bed. He had made the mistake of telling the girls and now they put a mud mask on him for his skin and made him tell all the details that he could remember about the guy.

“This is so romantic,” Sandy sighed.

“Except for the part where you are promised to some Telepath,” Danneel pointed out.

Jensen sighed. This was like a slumber party with extremely dangerous killers.

Jensen would deny it to his dying day but being an elite killer girl group was sooo much better than dirt farming.

“He probably thinks that I’m a freak,” Jared sighed.

“Probably,” Sophia agreed.

“So Jensen,” Kristen asked, with bright eyes, “How are you escaping this week?”

Jensen loved consistency. He held to it tightly. He would train, hang out with the girls, and then try to escape. He kind of liked his life.

He did not like the thought of being paired off with a Telepath, especially if it were Chad. Or Kevin. Or Joe. Or Nick.

“What the fuck,” Jensen said lying down after a very long day. “How are we even supposed to bond with the frikken Telepaths anyway?”

Sophia shrugged. “There is something with a glowing crystal. Its all very mystical.”

Jensen glared. “Ever get the feeling that we’re being used.”

Danneel sighed. “Every fucking day.”

Finally the final judgment day was coming. Their paring off.

Jensen escaped in desperation. The guy was there, as he always was, although this time he looked nervous, he grabbed Jensen right away.

“I don’t have much time,” the guy rushed ahead.

Jensen was confused. “Isn’t that my line?”

“Look, my name is Jared,” Jared said. “They’re going to pair you off tomorrow.”

“How do you know that?” Jensen asked.

His dimpled didn’t appear. He looked immensely earnest. Jared thought that it was really sexy on him.

But now probably wasn’t the time.

“I’m a Telepath,” Jared said hurriedly. “I don’t have much time so this is the short version. My mom was one, my dad was a Guard, when I was born my mother realized that I was quite possibly the strongest Telepath she had ever run into. Nobody had ever seen one like me. The thing is that my parents were also part of the Rebellion. I’ve been part of it since I was a kid. They’ve looked to me as the hope of it all, but they figured they’d loose me. See I can’t bond with a Guard, the girls, Sandy, Kristen, Sophia, Danneel, at one point in time I tried to bond with all of them.”

Jensen swallowed and tried to pay attention to the message instead of the fact that the guy he wanted had been with the only four people that he called friends.

He must have seen it on Jensen’s face.

“Don’t worry, it was just kind of clinical. We just tried to make it work, but it didn’t. Usually even Telepaths with certain leanings can make do with the women. If they don’t they will die. A male Guard is pretty much a myth. I can’t. I can’t be something I’m not and I was doomed to die until I heard about you.”

Jensen face fell. Suddenly his perfect awesome guy seemed less perfect and awesome, he just seemed to be needing Jensen to live. It was a bummer.

Jared caught the nuances of his face. “I expected to come in here and wheedle my way into just having you, but the thing is I was doing a walk about, meeting up with my parents for some Intel and there you popped into my life. You’re mind was blessedly silent, you came up to me and for the first time in my life I didn’t hear anything except for my humming towards you. Every time you escaped the girl’s world alert me. I can read people and weed them out and I would be a little bit ahead of you. I had to see you, you made me laugh, and I really like you. I don’t know what the hell you think of me and that has happened to me only four other times, but with you it is something I’ve gotta know, even if you don’t want to bond with me, if you want Chad or one of the Jonas brother, can you just let me know what you think, if maybe I’m reading this okay even without hearing your thoughts?”

Jensen kissed him. It wasn’t an amazing kiss, just pressing two lips together and holding onto another body.

But beyond the physical contact Jensen felt something flow into him, there was an awareness of EVERYTHING. He could taste colors and hear the bricks next to him. Suddenly everything was alive.

And it all stemmed from the person whose lips were now against his forehead, arms holding him tight.

“Shhh,” Jared said. “You just bonded us. It’s going to take a couple of minutes.”

“Thought it took a cube,” Jensen muttered. “Big glowing crystal.”

Jared snorted. “Yeah that is what they want you to believe. It is just about wanting and accepting. That is all it takes to bond. That is why they don’t let Telepaths and Guards to together, they’re afraid we’d choose our own partners. It would destroy their perfect little construction of the world.”

“The twits were right. It is all about sex,” Jensen sighed as he felt the strong desire of want emanating from him, echoing in Jared and bouncing back till he was so hard he didn’t think that he would ever be able to move again.

Jensen fought to open his eyes and behind Jared he saw soldiers. Jensen tried to bite down the disappointment that they would undoubtedly bring.

“Shhh,” Jared said softly. “They can’t see us. Nobody can.”

“You can transmit?” Jensen mumbled. “That is impossible.”

Jared stumbled forward a little and Jensen felt brick against his back. It really was of no consequence because his front was so deliciously pressed against hard male.

“Yours if you want,” Jared said and Jensen could almost feel the tears behind his eyes. There was this feeling of uncertainty, as if Jared wanted this to be more than his life in the balance, as if he wanted this to be more than chance. Jensen got the impression from the EVERYTHING that was invading his mind that Jared just wanted Jensen to like him.

And on top of that there was this humor, the admiration, this burning desire emanating from Jared.

Jensen wanted to climb the man pressing against him like a tree and then try to burrow into him, but he was feeling really stunned by the jabber in his head.

So he just said. “I want.”

Jared pushed his head against Jensen’s. He let out a sigh of relief.

After a few minutes of breathing each other’s air and feeling the ever-growing libido, Jared pulled himself away.

“We’ve got to go,” Jared whispered. “I really really want to stay and do really dirty things to your against this wall.”

And Jensen could feel the validity of that in his mind and against his thigh.

“But we’ve got to go,” Jared told him. “The girls have snuck out Chad and the boys. There is a whole plot and plan and we have to get you all out. The Empire wants to use you and they’re not going to get that chance.”

Jensen suddenly groaned. “They’re coming with us?”

Jared laughed. “They need protecting. The Empire kills off any Telepaths with any common sense.”

“Then they should be safe,” Jensen muttered.

“We can just leave them to be brainwashed,” Jared said and Jensen could feel the love and duty flowing off Jared. It was heady and it weren’t accompanied by a complete adoration and hopefulness about Jensen.

“I can’t leave them,” Jared said quietly. “But I will if you want.”

If Jensen didn’t trust Jared he would after that. Jared was a hero, and he was willing to put that aside for Jensen. Jensen felt horrible. He was not that much of a jerk. He wasn’t a villain. 

Also he had just been given the greatest thing he ever had wanted.

He would put up with the Jonas brothers and Chad; nobody’s life was perfect. Perfect was unfair and Jensen thought that if he got Jared his life would be on the way to perfect. Heading up a Rebellion against the Empire and a couple of idiot savant Telepaths would balance out everything.

“Lets go,” Jensen sighed.

Jensen was running through the town, his hand in Jared’s (they couldn’t seem to not touch. The bond between them was vibrating.)

They ran into the ship, laughing, when it suddenly hit Jensen.

He was finally running towards a life that he wanted.

Then he ran into the Jonas brothers and Chad.

Chad just looked at him. 

NickJoeKevin seemed to have gained some semblance of intuition. “I guess he won’t be one of our Guard’s.”

“Sophia said we form a even bond, the three of us,” the other one said. “We don’t need no stinking Guard.”

“Too bad,” the last one added wistfully.

Jensen still hated Telepaths.

“So which of the ladies do I get,” Chad asked lasciviously.

The Jonas brothers blanched, blushed, and bewildered at what Jensen assumed was the sheer volume of Chad’s thoughts.

The girls drew lots as to who would get Chad. Kristen drew the short straw. She looked strangely evilly interested at the prospect.

Chad turned white. “Can we draw again?”

“Nope,” Kristen said with faux sweetness. “You get the tiny blonde. Lets go bond big boy.”

Chad meekly followed her.

“And you two better go too,” Danneel said pointedly looking at where Jensen and Jared were gratuitously molesting each other, apparently without realizing that their thoughts were matching their actions.

“Ummm,” Jensen said trying to move away his hands, but getting distracted.

“Yeah,” Jared agreed. “We should go you know…”

“Bond,” Jensen said pulling Jared out of the cockpit.

That night consummation happened and any sentient beings in the closest solar systems were affected. Jensen and Jared’s echoes could be felt. Everyone, even partially dead people were really really horny.

They woke up the next morning blushing at each other, still unable not to be touching; it was the beginning of the rest of their lives.

Rebel. Bonded.

Jensen liked the sound of that.

And he really liked the feel of that.

Maybe he didn’t hate Telepaths as much as he thought.


End file.
